Sunday, April 22, 2012

Guys! I Kind of Suck at Life.

Have you noticed? I keep wanting to take breaks, because I am something of an emotional basket case and I get really tired of feeling anxious and/or furious all the time. And then I keep cheating on my breaks, because... I don't know why. I really don't, I just have this thing in me that wants to be reading and posting things all the time. What is the deal? I said one week ago that I needed to stop reading anything political or controversial in any way, and all week long I've been cheating but then not letting myself post things so people wouldn't know I'd been cheating. It's kind of absurd.

The internet breaks are great, I'll be honest, because I read a ton and feel awesome for not sitting in front of a computer all day. But I just don't feel like that's... sustainable. I mean, am I really going to not use the internet for the rest of my life? So then I say I can use the internet but skip the controversial things, and I'm pretty sure that's even worse, because then I spend time online and it isn't even meaningful and I find myself doing that zoning out thing where I keep clicking around and then suddenly realize I've been online for an hour and haven't done anything.

Blech. You know what? We're moving to Salt Lake City. (I haven't really announced this anywhere, but I might as well since it's a month and a half away.) And I'm really excited for that, because I really hate Texas. It sucks out here, and we've had to live with my parents for the last year, and that sucks even more. I have two friends, one who lives 20 minutes away and one who lives 45 minutes away, and I don't see them very often, but when we do get together we don't really talk about things anyway so basically I don't have a real-life outlet, and that's why I'm excited to move to Salt Lake. I didn't want to move back to Utah, you know, but Mike really does, and I've decided that this is a really good compromise. I can live in a city, which I really want to do, and I will have a lot of like-minded friends nearby. I'll be able to go to things like Sunstone if I want to, and lectures and conferences and book clubs and feminist get-togethers. I won't be totally isolated in Rural Conservative Town, like I am now. And I think that's going to be really good.

I don't know if this post has a point. Hurray!


  1. Hmmmm. The problem with reading controversial/infuriating things is that I like to know what's going on and I think non-controversial things are really boring. I like being impassioned and posting interesting articles and what not. However I too often get tired of being mad at the world all the time.

    What I do is keep an internal list of things I'm allowed to not care about. Discussions of why we never talk abut Heavenly Mother? Don't have to care. Stupid memes people post? Don't have to care. It allows me to choose what I care about and still participate when I want to. I can't fight all the battles, but I can make a few more important to me. I think it keeps me balanced.

  2. Lindsay made a similar point on my other blog, Lauren, and I think you're both absolutely right. I need to learn how to do that. I suppose for right now I'm sort of ignoring the news, since it all seems to be different versions of the same thing lately anyway (Republican-controlled Congress in one state or another passes a bill that attacks reproductive rights and tries to take women back to the days of husband-ownership). I am also, like a couple people suggested on my other blog, going to try and take a more active local interest, and am going to the march in Austin on April 28.

    Discussions about the temple or women holding the priesthood—don't really care right now, because I'm not seeing myself being active in the church anymore. Discussions about modesty—care, because that influences how people will treat my kids (when I have them) and that's something that concerns me. Maybe I need to make an actual list, topics I can care about and topics I can't... It'd be silly, but I'm a pretty visual person, so it might help. :)