Twenty-eight years old. This is the point I've been waiting for, when I'll be able to predict how I'm going to turn out. What do I believe about the LDS church? What kind of connection do I want to maintain with my Mormon background? What do I believe about Christianity and God in general? The answers: I don't care. I don't know if I believe in a god, and I don't care. The only thing I believe about the LDS church is that I don't want anything more to do with it, ever.
More importantly: This is the point when I realize that I've overcome my judgmental conservative Christian sense of superiority, and replaced it with that of a judgmental godless liberal. When I look at the people around me, I no longer see good-hearted Christians and depraved debauchers; I see heartless, brainwashed Christians and globally-minded free spirits. The kindest, smartest, most thoughtful, most respectful people I know are now almost exclusively unorthodox or former Christians, and the Christians I know now seem to do nothing but defend cruel and un-Christian systems of oppression. It's been my struggle of the last few years to define my own beliefs without becoming judgmental or condescending toward others'. Now I know that my struggle has failed.
I suppose the bright side is that I still strongly believe one should not be an asshole to others, so even if I think terrible things about people, I'm unlikely to say them. I hope. Even if I think organized religion is stupid and damaging, I won't go around telling people about it. Either way, at least I finally know where I stand.
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